Little Known Facts about People and Animals
People
Why do men get fat after they get married?
Single men have no trouble staying skinny because when they are hungry they go to the fridge, get disgusted with what is in it, and go to bed. Married men go to bed, get disgusted with what is in it, and go to the fridge.
Are there really super heroes?
Yes, super heroes do exist in real life. However, a normal person would never know it because they use cloaking devices in the form of bug spray. Whenever you catch a whiff of that pungent scent on a floating breeze, you can be sure a super hero was there, protecting you or someone else nearby. Unless of course they were on vacation, in which case, they were sunning themselves. (Word of the wise: do not block their sun.)
Why do the French talk funny?
While this has remained a mystery to historians throughout the ages, Aaron Gershfield recently uncovered the reason the French sound peculiar is because in the 11th century, when the French language was still in its formative stages, Henry I, who unfortunately had a speech impediment, came into power. Because he was the King, and rather popular, all of his courtiers wanted to be as popular and as distinguished as him, so they began talking in the way that they presumed the royal tutors had instructed his majesty. Once the courtiers had mastered the tongue-twisting art, they instructed their children’s tutors to teach their children to speak in the same way the King had been taught. At first, the King felt as though everyone was mocking him and was too embarrassed to say anything, but later, he was flattered by their efforts to sound like him. However, once the King’s Counsel got wind of the new fashion, they warned the King to end the confusion by confessing his impediment. He attempted it once at a banquet given in his honor, but everyone thought it was a big joke, laughed politely, and went on with their dinners. Before the King could correct the situation, the speech impediment had reached pandemic proportions, and there was nothing to be done, but play along and act as if he was considerably proud of the way he sounded. Henry I fired his Councilmen, and the French have been talking funny ever since.
Animals
Why do turtles move so slow?
Each person and animal on Earth is allotted only a certain number of footsteps for their lifespan. If turtles ran everywhere, they would quickly run out of footsteps and die young. Since they take their time moving, they end up living for a very long time. Although the concept has yet to be scientifically proven, Aaron Gershfield firmly believes the secret to eternal life is to take as few of steps as possible.
Why are raccoons so interested in garbage?
While the popular belief is that raccoons actually consume garbage, the truth is that they have highly developed palatal senses and would rather die than eat garbage. If they were not so irresistibly drawn to the pretty colors of decomposing solids, you would never see them anywhere near a garbage can before or after dusk, but only at the finest restaurants in town.